Staying at home during the holidays with my family always makes me feel alone. I'm tired of knowing everyone just does their own thing and doesn't have any sense of being together. My dad has recently gotten into watching telenovela shows with Vivian so he barely takes his eyes off the screen. Every time I got him to try to like a show with me (like this morning) he never really gets into it and now Vivian gets him into this mental garbage........ Fine stay in your room all night with her. One day I'll have my own family and you'll remember all the time you stayed in your room watching tv and left me crying for some company during days like this.
I wish my friends would help me out not by just talking to me, but by spending some time with me.. but what can I do if they have their own lives and I don't? What can I do if my friends have their own fun things during Halloween and I don't? What can I do if my mom's ashes were thrown to the sea and no where I can visit?
I absolutely love the idea of holidays. There's so much spirit in having free time and staying with the people you love. It's times like this when the reality of having a dysfunctional family comes right in front of your face.
I'm not sure if I wanna bang my hands on the walls or cry till my chest hurts or scream till I can prove to myself no one will care............. for now I'll just stay silent in front of the screen, the tears will roll down my face while I try to preoccupy my mind with my favorite comedy series.
The internet will be gone in a while so even my screen of illusion of social interaction will be retracted.
Lord help me out of this.. I feel so wrong my heart is aching. I know you'll help me find a way through this :'(
Would you just give me at least one person who will spend some time with me when I'm feeling this way :( I'm not even hoping for my father or for my best friend. Just someone who will stay. Someone who is entirely mine. I love you, dear God. I know You are there and You have my heart. I don't completely understand why I feel lonely a lot if I know You already love me. Would You just lift up my soul.. I can't do this anymore no one really understands enough :(
