Ever since that night I cried my heart out until about three in the morning, my eyes have been swelling and my allergies have gotten worse. You probably know how I am when I get my allergies. Soon, they turn into the flu, and eventually my dreaded condition-- asthma. Today, my eyes were so teary, all my muscles; aching, and my head felt as if an elephant were standing on it. Basically, I wasn't in the perfect condition to take my midterms midterms.
Because I have nobody to talk to and I love talking about my day, I'll just write about
A few adventures I had today because of my flu:
> In the morning, I was driving so slowly because it was hard to exert so much effort to step on the gas pedal. It was so funny because all the cars behind me were getting so frustrated. (My legs felt like jelly but I just forced it.)
> In the parking lot, I parked in such a way I never park in (head first). It was completely frustrating to drive out in the afternoon when the parking lot was already full (drivers will understand why, it's complicated to explain!) But I had no idea why I parked that way in the first place. It only occurred to me when I was about to leave school and all the other cars were parked in the opposite direction (tails first)!
So funny! :))
> Surprise quiz during my first subject. YAY. I read my notes but my mind was so slurry I couldn't remember much... (For those of you who don't know, I have very bad memory.)
After the whole day, God blessed me with a couple of hours of sleep. I drank coffee before heading home (What? they were giving free samples in school!) so I thought there was no chance of me taking a nap to relieve my throbbing headache and swelling limbs. (I'm guessing the rough exercise I did the previous day did nothing to help this.)
I was crying on my bed because I just wanted some rest and I found myself in the similar situation I was in where all of this first began. It was about three in the morning and I was crying my heart out about something so petty but triggered all of my emotions to swell in my chest. It's funny how the littlest things can trigger my pain so easily.
I cried the same way I did, frustrated groans for peace and rest.
Before I knew it, I was already asleep.
I thought the amount of stress and frustration could not be surpassed by anything I could possibly think of doing today. And I was right. There was nothing I could do to help myself, and I completely surrendered.
Sometimes I still wonder why God blesses me so much. He gives me peace when I feel so empty.. He gives me rest when the world robs me of all my patience and it strips me from the peace I need.
I learned a lesson because of all of this. I shouldn't let what other people say to me affect me drastically. The next time something happens, I will run to God. I didn't do that, and it left me helpless and frail.
I know I have the tendency to always focus on the negative things people tell me. But I realized that instead of using it to become a better person, I let it bring restlessness to my heart.. My heart that I know just has an undying yearning for acceptance.
God accepted me despite knowing the darkness of my soul. No one can begin to comprehend the evil I know runs through my human veins.. only He. And yet He is the one who ultimately saves me.
I just want to thank you, Lord. :)
Isaiah 40:28-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."