Here’s the thing about me. It’s hard for me to be alone. If you
leave me alone in my room with my computer for more than a few hours, I
have the tendency to get depressed.. My family doesn’t really know how
easily I can get broken when I have no one to talk to or spend time
with. (One of the primary reasons why I am writing this blog right now) If you don’t know me very well, you’d think I am a very cheery and bubbly person (which I am), but that is not all there is to me. It’s almost like when I am alone, everything around me gets a shade darker.
I’m a very hopeless romantic at heart, so one thing in life I’m sure I want is somebody to spend it with.
I already have tons of dreams and wishful thoughts about what I would do with my special someone when I find the right man. (Yes,
I know it’s funny to say this because I’m only eighteen years old. But
this is a blog and I’m basically leaving no room for your judgement!
They’re just my personal thoughts) Things like my dream Italian dinner date, or learning how to roller skate! ♥ (Because all of my friends are being such kill-joys for not wanting to roller skate with me. Grr :c)
I
love being around people I care about and taking care of them. I love
being there for them when they are sad and seeing them smile once again.
I love surprising them on their birthdays and making each one something
more exciting than the last time. I love making care packages with
sweets and goodies for my broken-hearted friends. I love giving them
advice when they come to me for it. I love being of service to them when
they need my help. I love going out of my way to help them out even if I
have no idea what I am doing!
That’s why troubles like being
away from my dad and family or spending the rest of my life alone drives
me crazy..Who will I love? Who will I make surprises for? Who can I
cheer up? Most importantly, who will I take care of?? :(
What if I don’t find the right one for me?
Not everyone finds someone. That’s why so many people are still alone right now.
What if I’m not as pretty as all the other girls for someone to like me?
Face it, we live in such a vain world it’s hard to find a man who would not give too much concern about appearances.
What if there is no one on the face of the earth who could accept me for who I am?
There’s
so much about me that is possibly detestable. I am cranky before I have
my cup of coffee in the morning, I don’t like being asked how many
minutes longer I’ll take to finish dressing up (haha this is probably my dad’s fault! lol),
I really do feel like crying when I am woken up during my afternoon
naps, I always get lost because I’m not good at directions (I don’t even know how I manage to drive), I am an extremely jealous type (This is one of the important things I have to ask God to help me work on) and the list goes on….
I
hope I can change, little by little. As I am growing deeper in my faith
with God, I am slowly letting go of everything I hope and dream of..
all my doubts and fears, I just want to lift up to Him. He comforts me
when there is no one else around. And at the end of the day, He reminds
me that He will never leave me like everyone else does. ♥ I am proud to
say now that even if I don’t find the right one for me, even if it’s
something I really really (really) want out of life, I will be
grateful for everything the Lord has given to me already. I will follow
His will for my life and what he thinks is best for me. If it directs me
towards being single for life, then I will still be with Him forever,
and nothing else could matter more. :)
A Crammer’s Blessing
So it’s really funny how I
had alternative classes for two whole weeks to finish the first output
I’m supposed to submit for the class. You might be wondering, no.
There’s nothing funny about that. Well, here’s the funny part: I
finished everything my teacher gave me two weeks for in one day!
The requirement of the output was to visit a school and observe their learning resources (computer labs, science labs, libraries, and so on..) and finish about 20 pages in our class workbook. I had no idea which school to go to for the observation ever since my teacher mentioned the requirement so I kept putting it off, thinking I’ll worry about it later. (I should really stop doing this!) As to my surprise, ‘later’ came sooner than I expected. Before I knew it, it was already Tuesday and I had gotten nothing done ever since the two weeks my professor gave me! Still, I remained calm, thinking a school would drop out of the sky or something.
I realized that time was ticking and I better do something because it wasn’t gonna happen by itself. My only option was to go back to the high school I graduated from to observe. If you knew me, you’d know I’m not very good with asking for favors. I don’t like the idea of begging a teacher to let me observe when I knew it was my mistake of not asking for permission earlier. Observations are a hassle to all schools because it can really disrupt their lesson and the teachers get too conscious of how they act in class. However, my observation was just for bulletin board displays around campus and the school’s learning resources, so I wouldn’t be disrupting any class. (phew!)
Before I got out of my car, I whispered a prayer to ask for God’s help. I prayed that he bring success to my observation without me needing to lie to allow our principal to let me take pictures and get her signature. It just came into my heart before I had even thought of it. Before I prayed, I thought I would just twist my words a little so that she would no doubt allow me to do what I needed to do.
It was such a blessing that God gave me the strength to ask him not to allow my lips to tell a lie even if it meant risking the entirety of my requirement.
As I walked inside, I was so nervous! Everything looked the same in my old school but it didn’t feel like home anymore. :( I hadn’t met the people I thought I would be meeting so I felt like a stranger inside that institution. It made me realize that no matter how much I thought the place itself is what made my school home for me, it didn’t. It was the people there who brought the feeling of love, acceptance and warmth in the hearts of the students, which was actually the real home I was looking for.
(Getting back to my dilemma..) I was walking towards the principal’s office and there I saw two of my old friends from the lower batches! They were graduating this year and I was so happy to hear from them again. We weren’t that close before (they were closer to my best friend, she’s the reason why we’re friends, actually) but they helped me with everything! They were with me to ask for permission from the principal and she signed my workbook right away! (The signature is used to validate that you actually observed in a school and didn’t make everything up) They were with me throughout my whole observation, and I felt a lot less like a stranger now.
They were telling me about which section they were in, which teachers they had now, and I could totally relate to everything because those were the same teachers and sections I was in when I was in their level.
It feels so weird to talk to people and have them claim my old section during my 4th year as their own. (My possessive side again, I guess!) It just makes me feel like everything we have in this life is borrowed. Nothing is ours. I was feeling a bit sad about that, but while I was reflecting, I realized that it’s actually a beautiful thing.
I was thinking that when something is so beautiful, may it be a place, a section, a teacher, or just a feeling, why would you want nobody else to witness its beauty? I guess I was just being selfish when I felt like those memories were mine to keep. And it’s a natural thing to be selfish. But I thank God that he allows me to go beyond what is natural and reach for a state of mind that is not of this world— a state of mind that grows closer to his each day.
Another thing I realized throughout this cramming episode of mine was that I didn’t deserve any of the success I had received. I planned to lie (or even manipulate) to get my way, I didn’t do my work right away like God instructs us to (which is what made for all of this stress to happen in the first place), and I was seriously thinking of asking someone to forge the signature in case I wasn’t able to observe in a school. I really (really) really didn’t deserve any of the success I had received, yet He gave it to me anyway. Amazing, isn’t it?
This was grace. As I move forward in my walk with Christ, I realized that that stressful Tuesday was a great blessing in disguise.
God showed me how much a whispered prayer can change everything. :)
The requirement of the output was to visit a school and observe their learning resources (computer labs, science labs, libraries, and so on..) and finish about 20 pages in our class workbook. I had no idea which school to go to for the observation ever since my teacher mentioned the requirement so I kept putting it off, thinking I’ll worry about it later. (I should really stop doing this!) As to my surprise, ‘later’ came sooner than I expected. Before I knew it, it was already Tuesday and I had gotten nothing done ever since the two weeks my professor gave me! Still, I remained calm, thinking a school would drop out of the sky or something.
I realized that time was ticking and I better do something because it wasn’t gonna happen by itself. My only option was to go back to the high school I graduated from to observe. If you knew me, you’d know I’m not very good with asking for favors. I don’t like the idea of begging a teacher to let me observe when I knew it was my mistake of not asking for permission earlier. Observations are a hassle to all schools because it can really disrupt their lesson and the teachers get too conscious of how they act in class. However, my observation was just for bulletin board displays around campus and the school’s learning resources, so I wouldn’t be disrupting any class. (phew!)
Before I got out of my car, I whispered a prayer to ask for God’s help. I prayed that he bring success to my observation without me needing to lie to allow our principal to let me take pictures and get her signature. It just came into my heart before I had even thought of it. Before I prayed, I thought I would just twist my words a little so that she would no doubt allow me to do what I needed to do.
It was such a blessing that God gave me the strength to ask him not to allow my lips to tell a lie even if it meant risking the entirety of my requirement.
As I walked inside, I was so nervous! Everything looked the same in my old school but it didn’t feel like home anymore. :( I hadn’t met the people I thought I would be meeting so I felt like a stranger inside that institution. It made me realize that no matter how much I thought the place itself is what made my school home for me, it didn’t. It was the people there who brought the feeling of love, acceptance and warmth in the hearts of the students, which was actually the real home I was looking for.
(Getting back to my dilemma..) I was walking towards the principal’s office and there I saw two of my old friends from the lower batches! They were graduating this year and I was so happy to hear from them again. We weren’t that close before (they were closer to my best friend, she’s the reason why we’re friends, actually) but they helped me with everything! They were with me to ask for permission from the principal and she signed my workbook right away! (The signature is used to validate that you actually observed in a school and didn’t make everything up) They were with me throughout my whole observation, and I felt a lot less like a stranger now.
They were telling me about which section they were in, which teachers they had now, and I could totally relate to everything because those were the same teachers and sections I was in when I was in their level.
It feels so weird to talk to people and have them claim my old section during my 4th year as their own. (My possessive side again, I guess!) It just makes me feel like everything we have in this life is borrowed. Nothing is ours. I was feeling a bit sad about that, but while I was reflecting, I realized that it’s actually a beautiful thing.
I was thinking that when something is so beautiful, may it be a place, a section, a teacher, or just a feeling, why would you want nobody else to witness its beauty? I guess I was just being selfish when I felt like those memories were mine to keep. And it’s a natural thing to be selfish. But I thank God that he allows me to go beyond what is natural and reach for a state of mind that is not of this world— a state of mind that grows closer to his each day.
Another thing I realized throughout this cramming episode of mine was that I didn’t deserve any of the success I had received. I planned to lie (or even manipulate) to get my way, I didn’t do my work right away like God instructs us to (which is what made for all of this stress to happen in the first place), and I was seriously thinking of asking someone to forge the signature in case I wasn’t able to observe in a school. I really (really) really didn’t deserve any of the success I had received, yet He gave it to me anyway. Amazing, isn’t it?
This was grace. As I move forward in my walk with Christ, I realized that that stressful Tuesday was a great blessing in disguise.
God showed me how much a whispered prayer can change everything. :)
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
...
Hands are shaking
mind is breaking
tears are falling
heart is aching.
It’s been so long since I last cried.
Unsaid
I love how much the kind of flower a person gives you can mean so much. :)
Too bad not many people look into what flowers represent anymore.. they just go with what’s pretty.
There’s so much more to a flower that it’s captivating beauty. Just like how there’s so much more to a person than what meets the eye. I always loved flowers for that reason.
They leave an element of mystery in other people’s hearts, especially when not accompanied by words. A flower can speak louder than words, most times. And it is those words that are unspoken which are the most beautiful. ♥
Too bad not many people look into what flowers represent anymore.. they just go with what’s pretty.
There’s so much more to a flower that it’s captivating beauty. Just like how there’s so much more to a person than what meets the eye. I always loved flowers for that reason.
They leave an element of mystery in other people’s hearts, especially when not accompanied by words. A flower can speak louder than words, most times. And it is those words that are unspoken which are the most beautiful. ♥
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