Why was I so stupid?
Why was I so blind?
Why didn't I see any of this when we were together?
Why do I hate everything you do?
Why does everything you do hurt me so bad?
Why can't I just run away from you?
Why do I keep looking back?
Why do I keep telling myself I can talk to you and be okay?
You have become mmy monster..
You haunt my soul and I can't cut you off.
How I wish you would lay me down gently.
How I wish we shared smiles and beautiful memories rather than painful words and tears.
How I wish we had the strength to help build each other up..
How I wish we had the courage to bbecome better people even if we are apart..
How I wish you would consider my happiness the way you did when we were in love.
Now, everything you do screams at me on my face, stabs me in the gut and tells me what we had wasn't real.
All that time and effort.. and tears.. and love.... you make it all feel worthless. No, actually, you make it feel less than worthless, because for something to be worthless it must have existed first. You make it feel nonexistent.
You can say you're trying to move on, but subconsciously you're just making me feel all the pain you think I made you feel when we ended it. You'll deny it, you'll say that it wasn't your intention to hurt me. You'll say that you're doing all of this to move on because it hurts you too bad to be just friends with me again.
As if it doesn't hurt me.
As if because I broke it off, I don't have the right to feel like you do because you were the one who I let go. I have just as much right to feel the pain as you do. I have just as much right to feel that you still care like how I try to make you feel like I still care.. don't you think it hurts me to care for you, who just wants to forget about me because of your incapability to move on if you tried to care?
I don't understand why you've become so different. I know I have no hold on you anymore.. but everything you say and do is against what we used to believe in together.. I don't understand.. Why are you becoming like this? Why are you becoming so shallow? Why are you so self-absorbed now? We used to think of things regular people didn't.. We used to think of how inconsiderate other people can be to their fellowmen.. We used to think of how cruel the world was to some.. We used to think of how to care for other people.. Why did you change..
Now the Lord has given me a deeper desire for the good things, to be kind, and gentle, considerate and loving. But it seems you have gone the opposite way. Why..
Why do I feel like it's all my fault.
I broke you into a monster.
I hate the way you are. You are insensitive, shallow, inconsiderate, arrogant, so full of yourself, unkind, full of bad words, filled with negative sentiments and somehow I manage to blame myself for making you this way.
Why did you give in to me? Why did you let me break you into something you are not? I didn't mean to.. I am broken too..
This is not love.
Whatever you're doing to me validates that it never was. I could beg you to stop but I know that wouldn't work at all..
I showed you my God. I poured my heart out to you when I tried to tell you about Him, and you shunned me away.
I wanted to shun you away the way you did He, but I needed to be there for you because I knew what we had before and I can't let go of someone I cared deeply for.. I don't know why you don't seem to feel the same way. Why do you have no loyalty or sense of responsibility to a person you have already connected with, with your heart. You just throw them away like filthy rags that are already useless and have only one last destination, the garbage.
That just makes me feel like a piece of trash that caused so much more destruction that joy. Is that all I am? Was that all I was to you? A source of destruction? You know I had no intention of hurting you, it's just something I had to do. So please stop hurting me......
I feel so emotionally battered up already.. I'm so tired will you please just stop.
